Bearing my soul!!

First of all I need to apologize to all of you who will read this. I am at one of the lowest points in my life. For two years Logan and I have tried and tried to have a baby. We have had test after test and found nothing wrong with either of us. Still nothing happened. Then two years into trying we decided to take it a step further and do artificial insemination. Two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant with our second child. The joy I felt was beyond description. I felt like every prayer had been answered, that every tear I had cried had brought me closer to my Savior and that through this trial I had learned so much about myself. But it was all ripped away from me. I began cramping and spotting today and went into the doctor to have my worst fears confirmed. I was losing this so precious little baby that I had already began to love with everything I had. It was there in my fingertips. I could see myself rocking this little baby and Reid helping in every way he knew how. Then nothing but pain. I feel so alone... I have never cried like I have cried today. I have never felt so low before. I have never felt so betrayed. I know in my heart that the feelings I am feeling toward my Father in Heaven are not justified because He has had a hand in everything good in my life, but I can't help the anger I feel for what has happened to me. To feel like all my prayers had been answered and then to feel like I had been mocked for having hope that I was going to have a baby is all I can feel. I always imagined myself with a house full of kids and Reid would be such a good big brother and I can't even give him that. I feel like a failure. I see baby after baby born and I wonder what I have done to not be blessed with this amazing miracle. It makes no sense. All I can do is blame myself for this. I must be doing something wrong that the Lord doesn't see fit to make this happen for us. Yet all in the same breath I am amazed today that I have my little Reid. He is so great and so sweet and I love him so much. I feel like a worthless mom today because all I have done is cried and cried. He keeps asking me if I am all right and all I can do is smile and say that I am fine. He just wants me to be happy and I can't even do that for him. I am so confused. I am so lost and alone. What a terrible way to feel. If you read this, please don't call me, I just needed to get this out and feel like some one was listening because right now I feel like my feelings aren't being heard by the one person I am always told I can count on. My faith today has taken a beating and throughout my life I have always bounced back and I hope that this time I will be able to as well. I know the things I know and I know what my heart feels. But my emotions don't match any of that and I don't know what to do with myself...